I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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