I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
