Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
someone owes me an orgasm
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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