When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
they need to just BURY HIM!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
