One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
