I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
