They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
