I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
