So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
