While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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