How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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