Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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