I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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