Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
