Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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