The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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