so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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