I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize