i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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