She just used a chaser for red wine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
