Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
