Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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