I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
