Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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