Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
