he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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