When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
