I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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