bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
