where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
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As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
tell me about the eggs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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