fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the liver wants what the liver wants
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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