some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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