i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I could fuck to npr.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
