Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
