Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
