So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
