thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
