i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
