I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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