normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
