I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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