fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
