dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
