why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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