I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
