North Korea, Best Korea!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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