..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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