sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
