1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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