I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
