It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
