My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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