I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
