I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
