My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
