is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
