Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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