In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
