Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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