So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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