I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dick has a subreddit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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