So drunk its hurt
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
