tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
