my phone needs a breathalizer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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