Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
