I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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