I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
