yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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