His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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