I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
